David Squires on … emo Mourinho's Premier League 2018-19 preview

David Squires on … emo Mourinho's Premier League 2018-19 preview

Sean Dyche lads holiday in Aberdeen and Harry Mcguire slab head asteroid had me in stitches

This has not gone down well on /sub/reddevils.

Apparently we don't know how to take a joke.

"Life really is as disappointing as a person who takes some time off work to attend the birth of their child."


"Skynet launched an apocalyptic nuclear barrage against any area of cultural, historical, economic or philosophical importance was annihilated. Even cities from civilization that died hundreds or thousands of years ago. against all major cities, financial centers, notable monuments, area's of interest, potential spaces of refuge where any congregation of intelligentsia could gather to begin a form of armed resistance. If there was even one instance of usefulness or importance it was annihilated.

For some reason, it also targeted Huddersfield"

Ridiculous how many fans there are of all the big clubs that are unable to take jokes, I take football too seriously to be fair, but I can take a joke about Liverpool

Genius. Mourinho as an emo is perfect.

The Pellegrini Zombie one was the funniest, proper caught me off guard.

tips slabhead

Self depreciating humour is a prerequisite for being an Everton fan

Spurs and Southampton panels cracked me up and Warnock being Tony Soprano’s mum never gets old


For me it was the "get out"

His best one yet, and he nailed Jesus's eyebrows, haha!

And is this all from Sarah Connor's monologue in T2? There's also the Huddersfield panel, and Edward Furlong Jose!

Honestly a masterpiece. Squires rarely gets it wrong, his humour is so bang on point.

It's actually a terminator 2 reference when Sarah has the vision of the nuclear blast

The Huddersfield terrier holding onto the net as the universe explodes, love it.

Why do people keep spelling it "Mcguire"? 😂

Nope, Martial https://www.theguardian.com/football/2018/aug/01/manchester-uniteds-anthony-martial-to-return-to-...

"Rich man poor man both" had me in stictches haha.

holy fuck is the huddersfield mascot doing the sarah connors terminator 2 dream stance lmfao

A lot of people are incredibly insecure about themselves and project it into all sorts of shit like sports, their cars and types of shoes they wear so when you joke about their stuff they take it personally.

Him being jealous of Benitez 😅 good start to the day here

Sean Dyche one was great

Absolutely fucking nailed this one Squires hahaha

Shaqiri I think.

Looks like its just 4 users? While I'm not the biggest fan of that subreddit, its easy to generalise without even linking to the post -> https://www.reddit.com/sub/reddevils/comments/965dv9/david_squires_on_emo_mourinhos_premier_league/

I'll have you know my '87 Honda Civic is the best car ever made

When you were out playing football

I studied the slab

Stopped going there a while back. Bunch of reactionary children.

A Sopranos reference, I'm sold.

Yeah, to be fair since I posted this a lot more people have commented on that and have shown themselves to be a lot more reasonable. But the first 5 or 6 comments were all extremely butthurt.

Who's head is Klopp biting?

I remember having a lot of fun during the LVG days


"Gaudy riches of no consequence?" excuse me Mr. Squires but have you forgotten about the PL Asia Trophy 2017???

Warnock as Livia Soprano is incredible.

You'd think English fans of all people...

The poem in full:

The universe is cold and indifferent.

We are all doomed from the moment of conception;

no matter how nice you are,

nor how many European holidays you distract yourself with,

we each end up on life's scrapheap.

We are enslaved by a system of our own creation,

surrounding ourselves with needless material possessions,

fighting over tiny plots of property,

on an insignificant planet that will eventually be consumed by the dying sun

and be reduced to just another slab of rock hurtling through the infinite void of space,

your gaudy riches of no consequence (lol).


life really is as disappointing as a person who takes some time off work to attend the birth of their child.

Some people don't even know they're born,

even if they live to be a hundred years old.

Rich man or poor man,

we are but watery sacks of chemicals, drifting blindly towards the endless abyss of death...


(A little poetic licence taken, and removing the Chelsea and Wolves lines. Didn't realise the Squires comic had already been posted when I did so, about 40mins after OP here.)

Oh so my '98 Suzuki Jimmy is worse? Fuck off!

Best to steer clear most of the time tbh